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Responding to tricky questions

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Content warning: This page contains information that readers may find confronting or distressing.

This page gives adults guidance about answering tricky or challenging questions children and young people in their lives might ask about child sexual abuse. It was created in partnership with Act for Kids.

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Help is available if you or someone you know has experienced or is experiencing harm, including child sexual abuse, or is concerned a child or young person may be at risk. Find a list of dedicated services at Get support. If you need information on reporting child safety concerns, please visit Make a report.

If you or someone else is in immediate danger, call Triple Zero (000).

Having conversations with children and young people is important to help keep them safe from child sexual abuse.

During conversations with safe and trusted adults, children and young people may ask questions to help them understand the topic and what they should do. It may not always be easy to know how to answer these questions, but by having these conversations you can help them understand what sexual abuse is and give them the language to talk about it. Having regular, open and honest conversations sends the message that they can always talk to you and that you’ll listen no matter what.

To help adults prepare for having these conversations, this page gives examples of tricky, challenging and difficult questions children and young people may ask, and guidance on how you might answer them.

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The questions and guidance below focus on preventative conversations, but it’s important to consider that these conversations may lead to children and young people disclosing experiences of child sexual abuse. It’s important to let them talk to you about their concerns in their own words, and to listen to and believe them, even if what they’re saying is hard to understand.

Child sexual abuse is never a child or young person’s fault, and it’s important not to blame or dismiss them if they disclose. Fear about an adult’s reaction can stop children and young people from disclosing. Our website has helpful guidance on responding to child sexual abuse disclosures.

Tips for answering tricky questions

It’s normal to feel uncomfortable talking to children and young people about this topic, especially when they start asking tricky questions. Even if it feels awkward for you or the child or young person you’re talking to, the important thing is to start having conversations and to keep having them.

Example answers to tricky questions

Adults should use their judgement to decide how to answer questions in a way that is appropriate for the age and development of the child or young person they’re speaking with. This may mean adjusting the level of context provided, or using more or less complex language. The responses below are intended as general guidance to get you started.

Tip: It’s important to acknowledge that children who have experienced sexual abuse may not always have felt uncomfortable, particularly if they are very young, know the perpetrator or have been groomed. Grooming refers to behaviours that manipulate and control a child, as well as their family, kin and carers, other support networks, or organisations in order to perpetrate child sexual abuse.

Uncomfortable means that something doesn’t feel quite right, or makes you feel uneasy. You might not be exactly sure why, but being uncomfortable about a person, conversation or situation means it might make you feel weird, unsure, or even unhappy.

Sometimes you might not feel uncomfortable when someone does things that they shouldn’t. People may do things to make you feel comfortable, like giving you special attention or gifts, or telling you it’s okay. That’s why it’s important to know what kinds of things are not okay for people to do, and that way you’ll know to tell an adult you trust.

Tip: It’s important to acknowledge that children who have experienced sexual abuse may not always have felt unsafe, particularly if they are very young, know the perpetrator or have been groomed. Grooming refers to behaviours that manipulate and control a child, as well as their family, kin and carers, other support networks, or organisations in order to perpetrate child sexual abuse.

When talking about identifying unsafe feelings with children and young people, you might like to watch Jayneen Sanders read her book My Early Warning Signs together, or discuss the My early warning signs poster.

Your body will usually give you warning signs when you feel unsafe, scared or uncomfortable. You might feel sick, your heart might beat fast, you might feel shaky or your hands might be sweaty. You might feel one, 2 or many warning signs at once. It’s important that you act on these warning signs and tell a trusted adult if someone or something makes you feel this way.

Sometimes your body might not give you warning signs when someone does something that’s unsafe. This may be because people do things to make you feel safe, comfortable or less scared, like giving you special attention or gifts, or telling you it’s okay. That’s why it’s important to know what kinds of things people might do that are unsafe, and that way you’ll know to tell a trusted adult.

Not all people are safe, and some people might try to hurt others or do things that are wrong. An unsafe or tricky person might be someone who says or does things that make you feel unsafe, scared, confused or uncomfortable, hurts or harms you, touches you inappropriately, or asks or makes you touch them or someone else inappropriately. They might ask you to keep secrets, and pressure you not to tell anyone by making you feel bad or frightening you. They might threaten to hurt you, or threaten to hurt someone you know if you tell someone these secrets.

It can sometimes be hard to tell who an unsafe person is. At first, they might seem very nice and make you feel good. But once they make you feel scared or uncomfortable, or do inappropriate things, they are being an unsafe person. An unsafe person can be anyone, including an adult or another child. It can be people you know like friends, family, people from school or sports, or strangers.

No matter who a person is, if they have made you feel unsafe or uncomfortable, you are allowed to say no to them. This includes if the person has been nice to you before, or if they are someone in charge or who makes the rules, like a teacher, coach or grandparent.

Tip: It’s important to acknowledge that not all children and young people who have experienced sexual abuse will be able to verbally give consent, including where children and young people experience communication barriers as a result of disability. If a child or young person is unable to or has difficulty expressing themselves verbally, you could teach them a way to sign ‘no’ and ‘yes’. You could also make sure other adults who interact with the child or young person, such as teachers, carers and support workers, know these signs.

It’s also important to acknowledge that a child or young person may not disclose abuse directly to you, and may do so indirectly through physical, emotional or behavioural signs and indicators.

Consent means happily saying yes to something happening. For example, happily agreeing to let your friend borrow your favourite book. You have the right to say ‘no’ and not give your consent at any time, even to family and friends. This includes giving consent to things like hugs, kisses, holding hands and tickling. Your body belongs to you and your feelings are important. Consent also includes knowing and understanding what you’re saying yes to. You can change your mind and take back your consent at any point.

There are some things that children are not able to consent to. For example, children cannot give consent to any type of sexual activity with an adult. Even if children say ‘yes’ to these activities, they are still against the law.

Tip: It’s a good idea to teach children what ‘private parts’ include and to use correct names for the parts of their body that are considered private. It can be embarrassing at first to use these names, but doing this means that children will have language to communicate clearly about their bodies. Children need accurate language to describe their bodies.

It also normalises children and young people using these terms and talking about this topic, so they will feel safer and more comfortable to raise questions and concerns.

For children who are younger or have difficulty understanding private parts, you could use an analogy to help explain this. For example, you might explain that it’s not nice to put something in your mouth that you don’t like, and this also applies to sexual situations.

Private parts include the vulva, vagina, clitoris, breasts, nipples, penis, scrotum, testicles, bottom and anus. Usually they are parts of your body covered by underwear or swimwear. Your mouth can also be a private part. Other parts of your body might be considered private for cultural reasons. For example, this might include your legs, head or hair.

Private means just for you. Private parts are private because they should not be seen or touched by anyone without your consent.

There might be some times when it’s okay for someone to look at or touch your private parts, like a doctor, nurse, carer or support worker. If they are helping you stay healthy or clean, that is a good reason for touching you, but only if you feel safe and comfortable. A trusted adult should be there, too. The person touching you should always check with you first and get your consent.

Tip: Depending on what is appropriate for the developmental level of the child or young person you are speaking to, you can explain that inappropriate touching is child sexual abuse. You can find more information on our What is child sexual abuse? page.

Touching could mean hugging, kissing or tickling you without your consent, or touching your private parts. Your body belongs to you and no-one should touch you inappropriately or without your consent.

There might be some times when it’s okay for someone to touch you, like a doctor, nurse, carer or support worker. If they are helping you stay healthy or clean, that is a good reason for touching you, but only if you feel safe and comfortable. A trusted adult should be there, too. The person touching you should always check with you first and get your consent.

If someone wants to touch your private parts inappropriately or without your consent, that is against the law. It is not okay. You should tell one of your trusted adults straight away.

Some people might want to touch you inappropriately for private or sexual reasons, or because they want to control you or feel powerful. It doesn’t matter why someone would do it, because whatever their reason is, it’s never okay. It’s wrong and it’s against the law.

There might be some times when it’s okay for someone to touch you, like a doctor, nurse, carer or support worker. If they are helping you stay healthy or clean, that is a good reason for touching you, but only if you feel safe and comfortable. A trusted adult should be there, too. The person touching you should always check with you first and get your consent.

Sexual has to do with private parts and the way people use them. For example, sexual activity is where people share their private parts with each other. This can include touching genitals, looking at sexual pictures, looking at or showing private body parts, or having sex.

Sex can be a penis in a vagina, mouth or anus. Sex can also be a vulva or penis in a mouth. Sex can be penises or vulvas rubbing against each other. Sex can also be a body part or object in a mouth, vagina or anus. Sex can be hands touching someone’s genitals.

Sexual activity is something that people who are old enough to consent to may enjoy together. Children can’t consent to sexual activities.

Tip: Educating children and young people about what child sexual abuse is can help keep them safe as it will help them to identify inappropriate and wrong actions, and make them feel more comfortable talking to you about this. You can do this over a child’s lifetime by having conversations in age-appropriate ways.

Inappropriate or wrong actions include:

  • sexual or inappropriate touching
  • showing private parts or genitals
  • making a child or young person pose, undress or do sexual or inappropriate acts
  • talking to a child or young person in a sexual or inappropriate way
  • making a child or young person look at sexual or inappropriate photos, or inappropriate or sexualised content on the internet. This includes AI-generated content.

These actions may happen in person or online.

These acts are child sexual abuse, and a child cannot consent to them. That means it is wrong for someone to do these things, even if you say it’s okay. You should tell a trusted adult straight away if someone does any of these to you.

Tip: It can be helpful to talk to children and young people about what to do in unsafe situations, and practise how they could respond. This answer could be adapted to other unsafe scenarios.

Your body belongs to you and you can say ‘no’, ‘stop’ or ‘leave me alone’. You can also try to get away or make a loud noise to get help, like yelling or screaming.

If you can’t or don’t do any of those things in the moment, that’s not your fault. You should tell a trusted adult as soon as possible afterwards.

Tip: It’s important to acknowledge that children who have experienced sexual abuse may not always have felt unsafe, scared or uncomfortable, particularly if they are very young, know the perpetrator or have been groomed. Grooming refers to behaviours that manipulate and control a child, as well as their family, kin and carers, other support networks, or organisations in order to perpetrate child sexual abuse.

Sometimes abuse can also feel pleasurable to a child, which can make it very confusing for them. It’s still not okay and it’s still child sexual abuse.

People may do things to make you feel safe, comfortable or less scared, like giving you special attention or gifts, or telling you it’s okay. This can be confusing, but it’s called grooming and it’s wrong. If someone touches you inappropriately, it’s wrong and you should tell a trusted adult straight away. Even if you didn’t feel unsafe, scared or uncomfortable, what happened was still not okay. And no matter what, it was not your fault.

A person who makes you feel unsafe, scared or uncomfortable, or who touches you inappropriately could be a friend, another child or a family member. It’s still not okay. You should still tell one of your trusted adults.

Tip: If you are worried the child or young person you are talking to may have displayed harmful sexual behaviour, there is help available for them too. For support and advice, please contact:

For more information, visit:

A child or young person can sexually harm others. This is called displaying harmful sexual behaviour. These behaviours can cause harm to the child displaying the behaviour themselves, or cause harm to others. It can occur in person or online. When these behaviours involve others, they may include a lack of consent and may involve the use of shame, force or a misuse of power.

You should tell a trusted adult straight away if someone, including another child, is making you feel unsafe, scared or uncomfortable or is touching you inappropriately.

Just like your body belongs to you, your friends’ bodies belong to them. You should always ask someone before touching them, including giving them a hug. If someone says yes to a hug, then it’s okay to hug them. If they say no, you could ask them if they’d like to give you a wave or high five instead. It’s always important to respect your friends’ body boundaries.

The below guidance is tailored to preschool-age and primary school-age children.

Some people might want pictures or videos of you to see what you look like or to be friends with you. This can be okay in situations where they are a trusted person or you have spoken to a trusted adult first about sharing a picture or video.

Unsafe people might want pictures for private or sexual reasons, or because they want to trick you. They might be someone you know or someone you don’t know. They might ask for pictures or videos of your private parts, or of you doing something sexual or inappropriate. Asking for those pictures or videos is wrong and is against the law.

You should not give someone pictures of your private parts. You should tell a trusted adult straight away if someone asks you for this.

If you do send someone pictures or videos of your private parts, you should tell a trusted adult and they can help you.

The below guidance is tailored to teenagers.

Tip: Children and young people may take and share sexual photos or videos of themselves. Some children may do this without realising what it means. Older children and teenagers may do this as part of relationships and ‘sexting’.

There are many useful resources that can help adults to educate themselves and the children and young people in their lives about this topic, including how to keep safe and make a report.

You can talk to the child or young person in your life about what they would do or say if someone asked them for an inappropriate photo or video. They could be firm or use humour to deflect the situation. Remind them they should always talk to a trusted adult if this situation happens.

Some people might want pictures or videos of you to see what you look like or to be friends with you. This can be okay in situations where you know and trust the person and they’re close to your age.

Other people might want pictures for private or sexual reasons. They might ask for pictures or videos of your private parts, or of you doing something sexual.

Unsafe people might want these kinds of photos or videos for sexual reasons or to blackmail you. They might be someone you know or someone you don’t know. This is wrong and in many cases is a crime.

When you’re a teenager, it’s normal to want to have fun, build relationships and explore your sexuality and body. Some teenagers do that by sharing images and videos of themselves, including sexual ones. However, there is always a risk those images and videos are shared without your consent. It can also be very difficult to remove photos and videos once they’re online.

If you are considering consensually sharing a private photo or video of yourself with someone else, you should consider how you can do this as safely as possible. It’s important to know that possessing sexual images of a child is a crime. The person who receives the photo or video could get in trouble even if you both consented to it.

If someone is pressuring you to send them sexual or private pictures or videos of yourself, is threatening to make your images or videos public, or has shared them with other people or online, you should tell a trusted adult straight away. You should do this even if you feel uncomfortable or embarrassed, or the person tells you not to. A trusted adult can help you to find support or report what has happened to the police. You won’t get in trouble from police if you report sexual abuse.

If someone sends you a sexual photo or video that you both consent to, you shouldn’t share this with anyone else. Sharing someone else's private images or videos is a form of image-based abuse and is against the law. If you get sent a sexual photo or video that you didn’t ask for, agree to or want, you should tell a trusted adult and they can help you.

Tip: Only a small number of children and young people will directly tell or convey to someone that they have been sexually abused. It’s more common for children and young people to tell people indirectly or inadvertently through behavioural changes. For more information, go to Signs and indicators of child sexual abuse and Responding to disclosures of child sexual abuse.

It’s important not to ignore these signs. Without making the child or young person feel interrogated, you should open up the conversation and ask them questions to understand why they feel this way and if something has happened to make them feel unsafe, scared or uncomfortable.

Why don’t you want to go? Did something happen?

Tip: If a child or young person discloses sexual abuse, it’s important to listen, remain calm and offer support. Child sexual abuse is never a child or young person’s fault, and it’s important not to blame or react in anger towards them. Find out more on our Responding to disclosures of child sexual abuse page.

No. It’s never your fault if someone touches you or acts inappropriately towards you, does something inappropriate to you online or does something that makes you feel unsafe, scared or uncomfortable. Sexual abuse is not part of a normal relationship and it’s not a sign of love. You should always tell a trusted adult if this happens. They can help you to find support or report what has happened to the police. You won’t get in trouble from police if you report sexual abuse.

It’s not okay if someone asks you to keep a secret, particularly about something inappropriate or something that makes you feel unsafe, scared or uncomfortable.

There is a difference between surprises and secrets. Surprises make you happy and you only have to keep them for a short time, like a surprise birthday party or a present. Surprises will always be told.

Secrets make you feel unhappy, yucky and scared. The person might ask you to keep it a secret because they know it’s wrong. You should always tell a trusted adult about secrets.

If someone makes you feel unsafe, scared or uncomfortable, or touches you inappropriately, you should always tell a trusted adult – even if the person who did it says it was an accident.

Sometimes people will still do something, even if they know it’s wrong. It’s not a child or young person’s responsibility to try and explain to an adult why something is wrong. If someone makes you feel unsafe, scared or uncomfortable, or touches you inappropriately, it’s important that you try to safely get away from them as quickly as possible and tell a trusted adult so they can help to keep you safe.

Tip: A good way for children to identify safe and trusted adults in their lives is to build a ‘safety team’. Children and young people may also find our Speak up poster and leaflet helpful for understanding how they can tell someone about something that’s happened. They may also find the National Strategy: A Guide for Children and Young People useful for learning more about child sexual abuse.

You should always tell a trusted adult if anyone touches you inappropriately or says or does something that makes you feel unsafe, scared or uncomfortable.

A trusted adult is someone you can go to for help and support if something happens or if you have questions. Trusted adults might include:

  • parents
  • teachers
  • the principal or school counsellor
  • a coach
  • a friend’s parents
  • an older sibling, or someone else in your family.

You could also call Kids Helpline (1800 55 1800) or speak to them through their online chat.

If it’s an emergency, you should call the police on Triple Zero (000). If it’s not an emergency, you can call the police on 131 444. Things you can say to the police include:

  • I am calling the police because someone is touching me in a way I don’t like.
  • I am calling the police because someone is talking to me in a way that is sexual.
  • I am calling the police because someone is asking or making me do sexual things.
  • I am calling the police because even though I am not sure how to describe it, I think someone is sexually abusing me.
  • I am calling the police because I think someone is sexually abusing someone I know.

If you tell a trusted adult and they don’t believe you, it doesn’t mean what happened to you was okay or didn’t happen. You should keep telling trusted adults until someone listens and helps you feel safe. The right person will take steps to help you. I hope you always feel like you can talk to me.

If someone you care about makes you feel unsafe, scared or uncomfortable, or touches you inappropriately, you might worry that they’ll get in trouble. You might feel like you need to protect them. If they told you to protect them, they’re not trying to do what’s best for you, no matter what they say. They’re trying to avoid getting caught.

It’s not your job to protect someone who hurts you or makes you feel unsafe. You should tell a trusted adult, because it’s their job to help you. The person who did this may get in trouble, but that’s because what they did is wrong and not okay. Telling a trusted adult is important to keep yourself and other kids safe.

Tip: For information about reporting obligations, visit Make a report.

The law says some adults have to tell the police if they know about child sexual abuse. This is to keep children and young people safe. If you are worried and not sure about telling someone, you can ask them first about whether they would have to report anything.

If one of your friends tells you they have been touched inappropriately or something has happened that has made them feel unsafe, scared or uncomfortable, you should talk to them about finding help and support from adults they trust. You should always tell a trusted adult, even if your friend asks you to keep it a secret because what happened to them is not okay. The trusted adult can talk to another trusted adult and make sure your friend is safe.

I know this topic can feel scary and uncomfortable, but it’s important that we talk about it to help keep you safe. By talking about it now, you know you can always talk to me when you need to, especially if it’s about someone or something that makes you feel unsafe, scared or uncomfortable.

If you or a child are in immediate danger, call Triple Zero (000).

Information on reporting child safety concerns can be found on our Make a report page.

Get support

The information on this website may bring up strong feelings and questions for many people. There are many services available to assist you. A detailed list of support services is available on our Get support page.

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